1. Some Basic definitions:-
A) Engineering College : Place where you're punished for getting good HSC marks.
B) Babe : After two years in Engineering, anything remotely female qualifies for that title.
C) Senior : Guy who got ragged as junior and wants to get some payback.
D) Fresher : Guy who has to ask where the canteen is.
E) Really Dumb Fresher : Guy who asks a senior where the canteen is.
F) Really Really Dumb fresher : Guy who follows the senior to the canteen.
G) Ragging : The unfortunate fate of the previous idiot.
H) Evasive action : Watch the juniors when any seniors come nearby. (No one runs faster than a fresher. NO ONE.)
I) Lectures : Waste of time.. physical presence is a must ...only meant for sleeping, completing assignemtns & genral TP.
J) Tutions : What you take when you don't waste enough time.
K) Professor : Person paid to put students to sleep.
L) Vernac Prof : Unusual variant of previous individual who comes packaged with his own brand of English ("Now you check me our journal." "You Out get from class." "Are you Understand, Beta?" )
M) Practicals : 60 to 90 minutes in which you watch the girls do your experiment, and usually destroy a considerable array of lab equipment.
N) Hopeless Practical : The practical in which there are no girls in your group, simply look blankly at each other, fiddle with the equipment, and finally copy the readings from the girls of course...).
2. The Truth about exams....
A) Timing...when you are non enginering GF/BF is free to enjoy while you slog with submisisons & exams.
B) Irony : The guy who copied your entire paper passes and you flunk.
C) Critical Calculation : Summing up the marks you attempted worth in the exam.
D) KT : Makes you suicidal..the WAY of life...
E) Year Drop : Makes dad homicidal.
F) Reverification : A cruel joke. (results of which come after you give the KT exam).
3. An engineer's 10 engineering commandments of Life
a) Thou shalt study only during the preparatory leave.
b) Thou shalt never write thy assignments your self.
c) Thou shalt begin writing thy journals only on the morning of submission.
d) Thou shalt treat all marks above 40 as bonus.
e) Thou shalt have at least 70 per cent attendance in the canteen.
f) Thou shalt pass GRACEfully.
g) Thou shalt always be an OUTstanding student.
h) Thou shalt give thy attendance without being present ...PROXY is a MUST.
i) If thou can't convince them , confuse them.
j) Thou shalt start every sentence with a four lettered word.
4. The Years of Engineering
F.E. Fond of Engineering
S.E. Sick Of Engineering
T.E. Tired of Engineering
Is it worth it???
4. Engineers Anthem:
Hum Honge All Clear,
Honge All Clear,
Honge All Clear Ek Din,
OH-HO, Mann me hai vishwas,
Pura hai vishwas,
Hum hoge all clear ek din.
5. Top two Engineering Rumours:
a) 'Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm'
b) 'Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks, it's been put up at Main Notice Board'
6. The most dreaded acronym for Engineers :
ATKT ( After Trying Keep Trying)
7. The most important criteria while selecting an engineering college :
Girl to Boy ratio ( if more than 0.025% then that college is engineers dream come true)
8. Engineers at work:
Assignments solved by one and then carrying out mass transfer operations throughout the class.
9. The most important machine for Engineers :
Xerox Machine ( Without which assignment completion wouldn't be possible)
10. The most important table in an Engineer's House :
The glass table ( to carry out maths operations, during Night Duty.)
11. The only queue an Engineer is familiar with:
12. An Engineer's favourite watch:
Bird Watch !
13. Common Engineering Dialogues:-
After a paper :
a) 'What is this yaar, more than 70% of the paper was out of the syllabus'
b) 'This was the worst paper set in the entire engineering history'
c) 'I am failing....I got flunked royally'
14. On being Late:
a) "I thought it is a monday" (lab starts at 10:45 on monday)
b) "I was searching for the Classroom"
c) (classic) " Train was late"
15. During Lecture
a) "Uska ka assignment 2 tere paas hai??"
b) (classic) "Heads, we go home, Tails, we go home now!!!"
c) (classic 2)"Cell phone hai??"
a) "Experiment. 2 likha??"
b) "Attendance ho gaya ??"
c) (classic)"Karna kya hai??"
17 Unit Test
a) "Oh man!!! Itna syllabus cover ho gaya ?"
b) (classic) "Aaj kounsa test hai?"
18. For attendance
(less attendance isliye attendance badane ke liye bahane)
a) "I was late , so watchman dint let me in"
b) "I forgot the I-card , so watchman dint let me in"
c) (classic) "Tarang (college festival) marketing"
19. Late submission of assignments
a) "Maine X ko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assgnment bhi saath mein submit kar dena"
b) "Mechanix ka last date extend hua thaa"
c) (classic) "I dint know the last date"
20. Late submission of Journal (for printouts)
a) "Format pataa nahi thaa"
b) "Printer is not working today"
c) (classic) "Friday ko light nahi thee"
21. VIVA (before exam)
a) "submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya ghanta doonga"
b) "Dekh Boss !! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ka ab tak preparation nahi hua hai......
22. VIVA (general)
a) "Dekh , tu jo bhi padhega , woh (external) tereko nahi poochhnewaala , then what is the point ?"
b) "Roll no. 1 aur 2 ko wapas bulaaya hai"
c) "External is asking Bermuda Triangle ka Magnetic force kitna hai?"
d) "Ye kounse subject mein aata hai?"
e) (Classic) "Aaj kounsa Viva hai?"
a) " Ye bhi chhapna hai kya??"
b) "Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?"
c)(classic) "Tujhe Harale ka sign aata hai kya?"
A: Ye tune kya likha hai / teri handwriting aisi kyun hai?
B: 1.Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh ,jo nahi samajh mein aa raha hai uska drawing nikal.
2. Maine C se likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya , tu bhi wohi kar.
3. Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh , jo nahi samajh mein aa raha hai woh chhod de.
A) "Jo (mujhe)aata hai , woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai woh aata hai!"
B) "Ye question do saal se nahi poochha hai!"
C) "Ye last time hi poochha thaa!"
D) "Tere paas X ke notes hai??"
E) " woh chapter....... mark weightage 6 marks..... (facial expressions speaks the story)"
F) " nahi samjha to rat le (RBR)! "
(classic..... when someone is intensively doing his last revision)
"Yeh nahi aayega !!!"
25. Feeling after Completing Engineering:
Survived Engineering !!!!!!!!!!!