It rarely hits you, but when it does, it leaves you staring for help. A help that you know will never come. A help that you wish you had realized that you would need long ago.
A help, the longing for which, will ultimately leave you helpless.
When you wake up in the morning and have to decide on what to wear, and remember that time, when it was the same thing everyday. The uniform that you wore for the best part of your past is what you wish to wear. But it’s nowhere around. Its the same thing again....
When you’re sitting in college and looking at the other people in class and you realize: “Oh f***, its all gonna be over.” When the professor yaps on in front of you and there’s someone snoring away to glory behind you; that’s when you realize. When you stare at all the people who surround you in college and your thoughts go back to a time not so long ago, when your small group seemed like the world and everything good in it. That: is when you realize.
When the phone ceases to ring, when songs start to make more sense, when things from the present remind you of the past; little things, like pointless chatter, or passing notes in class, or the spaces between hours, or for that matter anything that that reminds you of ‘before’, that’s when you realize that its over.
Life went by too fast. So fast that before you could come to terms with the fact that it was moving fast, it was over. You somehow wish that, someone had been there to tell you that one day, it’ll all be over. And when you come to think of it, there was always someone to tell you! You just never listened.
Its not that I hate what is going to happen, but it’s the fact that somehow I knew that this was going to happen, and yet, I didn’t see it coming.
When you know that the good times are going to end someday, you are expected to take the liberty of enjoying it as much as you can; every bit of it. But somehow, we take the decision not to, or we try and we fail. But we realize that we have failed, only when the bad times come around; which makes it inevitable.
Somehow, you manage to see a memory, in everything, out of nothing at all. When you smile at the thought of a memory that was provoked because of something you saw, or something that someone said. That’s when it hits you again: it’s gonna be over.
It’s true, life has to go on, and sooner or later all this will be memories. But, somewhere down the line, you will wish that if only it could keep going on like this. But all those are dreams not likely to be fullfilled.
Today I feel sad. I feel sad because I remember how it felt to be happy. Now, as I sit and think, I realize that all that’s good has come and gone, and might never come again. But I will not be bogged down by this. I will move on in life. I may fail, I may succeed. But when I look back, a long time from now, I won’t be sad that it’s over. There’s no point in doing that. I’ll just smile and be happy that it ever happened!
And I know that when I go round a corner someday, I’ll walk into a memory. And someday for sure the only thing I’ll have left will be memories, and for those memories, I will be grateful.